5M: Marriage, Mayhem & Much Much More…
There is no blue print for a happy marriage or a happy relationship for that matter. Whether it is an intimate relationship, friendship, or one of a more superficial and casual acquaintance, we all have to cater to each individual relationship as it matures and manifests its on specialized circumstances. There is certainly no ‘How To’ manual for parenting YOUR child.
Sure, you can buy the latest ‘New York Times’ best seller on child rearing, but what that book is chocked full of is generalized instances that worked for the author so well they thought they’d share it with the world. I have been with my wife almost eleven years. We have been a parenting duo for nine of those eleven years. Now, with a household of six bold and ever changing personalities, we have grown to see the world through twelve eyes unlike any we could have ever imagined.
There are no shortcomings of eventful afternoons in the Vornes household. I’d like to introduce you to one man’s insight into marriage, parenting, brotherhood, friendship, and his endeavors in creating a better life financially, socially, mentally, spiritually, and any other way he can manage for his family.
I am TraMaine Vornes, 29, and you’re reading what I like to call…
5M: Marriage Mayhem and Much Much More…
My wife and I have personal and professional goals that keep us striving to better our lives. Those goals immediately take a back seat to an all too often, “Excuse me” from a random tiny voice either at our bedroom door or at the arm of our couch while we hold a conversation. More often than not they remind me of Stuart Larkin from ‘MadTv’. Usually when they leave I look at my wife or she looks at me and says, “Look what I can do.”
Most likely the interruption is followed by an incredibly unimpressive display of ability or random bit of nonsensical trivia. You heard me!
**WARNING** **WARNING** **WARNING** **WARNING**
**THE TRUTH IS COMNG** **THE TRUTH IS COMING**
I LOVE my kids but these guys spend unfathomable amounts of time showing us the most lackluster displays of ability or attempting to enrich us with insight. Such instances lead to hysterical laughing on both my wife and my part.
Don’t get me wrong. If they show they are emotionally invested in whatever new thing they have decided to share with us, we’ll certainly spare their feelings no matter how ludicrous it is. We quickly find something tangible in our immediate vicinity to attach our sudden outburst of laughter to spare their feelings. If there is nothing to pass the blame along to, we simply cover our faces while the other talks to the child.
On the other hand my children will often surprise us when we are expecting them to do exactly what they always do. Let me give you an example of both ends of the spectrum. For this I will use my youngest son, Bryce, 7. One day while sitting in the car Bryce decides to express to me his uncertainty with what he wants to be in the future. As casually as one might as for a drink of water he offers…
Bryce: I don’t know whether I want to be a policeman, a firefighter, or a truck driver who delivers bags of chips.
(The train of thought of a seven year old young man)
I am left with a blank stare because I really have no idea how a chip delivery guy fits in the category with the other two. So what do I do? I ask him to elaborate.
Bryce: Well, a policeman gets to save people and stop the bad guys, a firefighter gets to save people and keep families together, and a chip delivery truck guy gets to drive a truck full of chips. He never has to wonder where he is going to get his lunch. I don’t want to have to worry about where I’m going to get my lunch.
I stepped right into that with no safeguards. He’s seven so I smile accepting his genuine answer.
On an entirely separate day my whole family was spending time in the living room and the kids were making up riddles. In the fashion of children ranging from the ages of 5 to 9, the riddles were as child like as you could imagine. They often made no sense and left little to the imagination as to what the answer could be. When it came to be Bryce’s turn to make up another riddle he asks, “What can you give to someone else and keep for yourself at the same time?”
We all started to offer up guesses. One of us shouts a smile to which he replies no. Others begin to shout aloud: ice cream, a hug, a kiss, candy, and several other things to which he of course replies, “No.”
Having exhausted guesses and interest in continuing to guess I asked him what was the answer.
In his same casual way of offering any information, he humbly and very evenly utters, “Your world.” Now to most anyone this might seem generic or profound depending on where you are in your daily life or life in general. Kristy, my wife, and I found it to be profound and insightful for a seven year old.
Something so simple as a child’s riddle led me to a great deal of thought. One such thought was how my view of my relationship with other people has been skewed for quite some time. There is a great deal more to a relationship than expectations and compliance. In my efforts to grow as a person, a husband, and a father I believe gaining an understanding of each individual relationship that we have with individual people has to be cultivated as if it were a crop almost ready for harvest. In the Vornes household, and daily lives there are unforeseen twists and turns that sometimes lead us to dead ends where we have to circle around and find a new path. Explore them with me and maybe we can learn together along the way.
I plan to provoke conversation here and I welcome open and honest feedback. Marriage Mayhem and Much Much More… to come.